Afterthoughts
by rudethoughts
Summary: Just a look at the past and where they are now. Pre-pilot. Wincest


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How fucked up is this, I mean damn he's my little brother. Even saying it in his head, there is movement in his jeans. "Oh God I am going to Hell! "Dean says under his breath. Dean thought this often. However, he never _really wanted to_ listen to that voice in his head. He knew how he felt about his brother, even though he could never say it to him. He adored Sam; yes he even was in love with Sam. He could watch that boy all day. Whether, it be cleaning a gun, killing some monster or (Dean's favorite) sucking Dean's cock. He was beautiful, smart and oh sooo talented with those gi-normous hands of his. His lips were so soft Dean ached to feel them on his own. His body was like a Greek God, every muscle rippling down his back when he would move.

But, seriously, think about it. Dean has basically been responsible for Sam since he was four years old. After their mom died it was not easy. John was a mess the first year. Not really doing anything except drinking and crying. Thank God for the insurance money. Without that they all probably would've starved. Eventually they all learned to hustle pool, or their least favorite, credit card theft. But for then, John was in no condition to work. Dean learned quickly how to open a can. They had soup and spaghettio's for most of their hot meals. Sam was only seven months old when Dean learned how to shoot his first gun. Dean was still four. When Dean was five, he learned to clean and put back together that 22. Between changing diapers, making sure Sam was bathed and fed, and not to mention comforting his dad… Dean kind of lost himself. He knew that his wellbeing was not as important as making sure Sam was cared for. He, to this day, still believes that Sam's mere existence is more important than his own.

As they grew older and each started school John would leave Dean in charge. Can you imagine? How hard that must have been. Not having an adult around to tell you what to do. Most kids would say that would be great. Dean and Sam know, all too well, that is not the truth. In reality it sucks. Dean thinks back to a time in some sleazy beat down motel in some unknown town…Dad was supposed to go enroll them in school the next day. However, they ended up alone for two weeks While John was hunting a few towns over. Dean has really never known a life without loving his brother. Dean thinks that is when it all started, his _other feelings_ for his brother. He remembers Sammy getting out of the shower and coming into the room all glistening. He was lying on the bed. Sammy went to the dresser and started taking out the clothes he was to wear that day. Dean couldn't take his eyes off of him. Sammy had grown taller the Dean. But more so, had grown out. Filled out. His muscles rippled as he dried his shoulders and arms. Putting the towel over his head and rubbing back and forth vigorously to dry his hair. Dean took the chance to glance up and down his lean smooth body. He looked in the mirror to see his brother's reflection. He was beautiful. Like a model, Dean remembers. He loved his brother dearly. He was his caregiver. But somewhere along the way he started having feelings for him. Certain feelings that made him run to the bathroom and touch himself, thinking only of his brothers lips around his cock instead of his own hand. He hated himself for having these perverted thoughts, hated when he couldn't control the tingle in his pants when Sammy gave him that shy smile. Sometimes having to grab his crotch when Sam wasn't looking, to relieve some of the pressure. He wanted his brother so bad it hurt. .

Sam noticed when it started. He remembers the lingering looks, when Dean thought he couldn't see him. When Dean would pat his head when he walked by him running his fingers through Sam's locks, Sam was around fifteen. Oh, Dean still went out with girls and as far as Sam knew was banging them every chance he got. What he didn't know, was that Dean was thinking of Sam while he did. It made Sam a little jealous, though he would never admit it. Sam would sometimes come out of the bathroom after a shower naked. Wanting his brother's eye's to scan him up and down. Sometimes when Dean would give him that touch to the back of the head, Sam would lean into it making it last just a little longer. Dean never let on that he noticed him doing it though. Soon enough, Sam was the one thinking of Dean when he strokes himself, imagining Dean's hands around his dick, or better yet, Dean's lovely lips.

Now look at them. Like an old couple that has been together forever, knowing just where to touch to make the other shutter with anticipation. Finishing the other's sentences or saying the same thing at the same time. They knew each other, from head to toe in every way. It gave Dean a since of normalcy. Even though he knew nothing about them was normal.

With Sam resting his head on the crook of Dean's shoulder was Dean's most favorite place in the world. He pulled Sam in tighter, smelling his hair. Stroking little circles on his baby brother's back. Sam rustled in his sleep. Stretching his legs out and slowly looked up at his big brother's face. "Good Morning" Sam says through a yawn. Dean grins at his brother and leans down to kiss him on the forehead. "Good Morning yourself".

"How long have you been up watching me?" Sam asks. "Not nearly long enough" Dean replies, Pulling Sam all the way on top of him. Dean cups Sam's face and gingerly plants a kiss on his lips. "umm" Sam says while squeezing Dean's biceps. "I love when you wake up in this mood." Dean grunts into Sam's mouth deepening the kiss, chasing Sam's tongue around with his own. Sam breaks away long enough to get out "Dude, don't we have someplace to be this morning?" Shaking his head back and forth, Dean grabs Sam around the waist and flips him over. Feeling their hardening cocks rub against the other's abdomen, Dean starts to grid his hips. Sam lets out a staggering breath and leans his head back. Dean kisses Sam's jaw licking his way down to Sam's nipple. He circles one with his tongue while squeezing the other between his thumb and forefinger. He continues his journey south until he meets a leaking cock. He kisses away the precome and swallows Sam's head in one motion. He starts to bob his head up and down while looking up Sam body into his eyes. Sam is staring at his big brother. Scrunching his nose up and making an o with his lips, Dean knows he is doing a stand up job. When the rhythm and the pressure and the hot wet mouth becomes too much Sam lets loose. He shoots his hot white cum down Dean's throat, making a glorious moaning noise. Dean works his way up Sam's body, caressing, kissing and licking his way to Sam's mouth. Ending in a long almost romantic (Sam thinks) kiss. Sam takes what he can get and doesn't break away. He just gives as well as Dean is giving. Once Dean does pull away, Sam takes the chance and flips Dean over onto his back to return the favor.


End file.
